HASBRO ™ ANNOUNCES THOUSAND YEAR PLAN FOR TRANSFORMERS ™ FRANCHISE

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The future of the Transformers franchise is being mapped out for the next thousand years. Hasbro’s Steven J. Davis™ announced during a Q&A that Transformers™ 5™, 6™, 7™, and 8™ are in the works as the next phase of his plan to dominate all aspects of life with CGI robots was revealed.


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”You’re going to see new Transformers™ movies coming from Hasbro™ and Paramount™ and Michael Bay™ and our other partners for a very, very long time,” he said. “In fact, we just finished, as some of you may have read, just an incredible experience. We decided that we wanted to plot out the next 1000 Years™ of the Transformers™ franchise, so we got together in a room over a three-hour period of time.”


COMPUTER SIMULATION OF LIFE IN 2225
COMPUTER SIMULATION OF LIFE IN 2225

By “we,” Davis was referring to himself and a super smart computer intelligence that he bought from MIT. He explained, “Honestly, a dog could write these movies but I thought, “Hey I’m rich as fuck, why not buy a cool computer that can do all the work?”” And I just, like, click a little bit: BOOM we crank out the next 1000 years of Transformers™. We’re gonna take over TV and your iTunes™ downloader. Eventually, your computer will run on Transformers OS™ and you humans will breed using Transformers™ Themed Sex Doll Incubation Pods™ aka the TTSDIP System™. Transformers™ 5™ is on its way, and 6™ and 7™ and 8™ and 9™ and 10™ and 11™ and 12™ and 13™ and 14™ and, well, you get the idea… And yeah expect those Sex Dolls™ sometime around 2025, just a little something for ya’ll to look forward to from Hasbro™!”


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Davis™ then went on to reveal his plan to purchase the library of congress and replace all instances of the founding fathers with more fun and familiar characters such as Optimus Prime™ and the car named Bumblebee™.

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