There’s no denying John Carpenter is a true movie making OG. At HIDDEN HORIZONS we all have his face tattooed on the back of our skulls underneath our haircuts, hoping 2 become geniuses by osmosis. If you can’t name every Carpenter movie u should just give up on ur life already.
But after like 40 years of balling hard on the filmmakers of hollywood The Carp, 4 the first time ever, has turned his efforts to playing music live on a stage like the fucking rockstar that he truly is. At 67 years old. My grandpa could barely golf at 67. Shit’s crazy. Plus his 2 kids are gonna be there 2 help him out. And oh yeah, it’s in ICELAND bro, that country is mystifying. It’s mossy as fuck and have u seen that fog? Fuckin sick.
Some creepy ass John Carpenter tunes floating out over those weird rocks and shit sounds awesome as hell. If I was more rich I’d be flying there 2 camp under the Aruroa Boreals and hear the maestro but I guess I’ll just have 2 close my eyes and pretend I am there using the power of imagination.
The future of the Transformers franchise is being mapped out for the next thousand years. Hasbro’s Steven J. Davis™ announced during a Q&A that Transformers™ 5™, 6™, 7™, and 8™ are in the works as the next phase of his plan to dominate all aspects of life with CGI robots was revealed.
”You’re going to see new Transformers™ movies coming from Hasbro™ and Paramount™ and Michael Bay™ and our other partners for a very, very long time,” he said. “In fact, we just finished, as some of you may have read, just an incredible experience. We decided that we wanted to plot out the next 1000 Years™ of the Transformers™ franchise, so we got together in a room over a three-hour period of time.”
By “we,” Davis was referring to himself and a super smart computer intelligence that he bought from MIT. He explained, “Honestly, a dog could write these movies but I thought, “Hey I’m rich as fuck, why not buy a cool computer that can do all the work?”” And I just, like, click a little bit: BOOM we crank out the next 1000 years of Transformers™. We’re gonna take over TV and your iTunes™ downloader. Eventually, your computer will run on Transformers OS™ and you humans will breed using Transformers™ Themed Sex Doll Incubation Pods™ aka the TTSDIP System™. Transformers™ 5™ is on its way, and 6™ and 7™ and 8™ and 9™ and 10™ and 11™ and 12™ and 13™ and 14™ and, well, you get the idea… And yeah expect those Sex Dolls™ sometime around 2025, just a little something for ya’ll to look forward to from Hasbro™!”
Davis™ then went on to reveal his plan to purchase the library of congress and replace all instances of the founding fathers with more fun and familiar characters such as Optimus Prime™ and the car named Bumblebee™.
THE GEORGE ROMERO MARATHON
length: 11hours 42mins
Along with Wes Craven, Tobe Hooper and John Carpenter, George Romero is one of the key faces from the silver age of horror’s Mount Rushmore. As oppose to the other genre directors who branched off into a lot of different tones and subjects, Romero seemed most pleased when working with both zombies and stories reminiscent of old EC comics. All his pieces are dark satires on human nature. So don’t let the gore throw you off from trying to see what deeper theme he’s digging at. He practically invented the modern zombie film all while completely working outside the studio system. This marathon gives you the best of the best of his work.
1. NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968)
2. CREEPSHOW (1982)
3. TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE: episode DEVIL’S ADVOCATE (1985)
4. DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978)
5. KNIGHTRIDERS (1981)
6. DAY OF THE DEAD (1985)
7. LAND OF THE DEAD (2005)
Note: Perfect to watch after you finish zombie marching with your friends.
THE INTRODUCTION INTO ARTHOUSE CINEMA MARATHON
length: 11hours 37mins
If you want to dive deeper than Hollywood filmmaking typically offers up, this is the marathon for you. This a little taster platter from a wide array of film movements that took place during the 20th century. You get to see everything from Italian Neorealism to Surrealism to Silent Movies to Full Blown Color Epics. This marathon gives you a little taste of everything. You will probably be surprised by how accessible some of these flicks are. There may be subs but the plots are often more minimal and easy to follow than the latest Captain America movie.
1. THE PASSION OF JOAN OF ARC (dir. Dreyer) (1928)
2. RAN (dir. Kurosawa) (1985)
3. BICYCLE THIEVES (dir. De Sica) (1948)
5. PERSONA (dir. Bergman) (1966)
5. STALKER (dir. Tarkovsky) (1979)
6. THE HOLY MOUNTAIN (dir. Jodorowsky) (1973)
Note: You should get all pretentious. Get some fine wine and cheese and pretend you understand the torment of life better than everyone else. For maximum effect, your posse should probably be wearing all black.